My friend died from Anorexia

by Carlas
(USA)

Hello. Where am i suppose to begin? Well i first developed my eating disorder which was anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa when i was 10 years old and went into my first treatment facility when i was 11. My last treatment facility was about a year ago and i am now 20 years old. I have no clue how to get this thing so called an eating disorder to leave and never come back.

Even if it does leave it normally hangs on somewhere and that makes it easier to come back into my life. I am not afraid to admit i am terrified of gaining weight and that i have an eating disorder. If you would have asked me about 10 years ago i would have told you, you were crazy that nothing was wrong with me. Now almost 15 feeding tubes later and over 20 I.V's later i do not mind telling and talking about my problem. Yes, it has caused a various amounts of health problems.

I recently broke my leg about 3 years ago. Well it will be 3 years in November of this year. i broke it in 2008 and my bone has yet to heal fully even with the rod and screws in place to help it come along faster. i have fine black hair on my body that is very noticeable in winter when i am very pale but as i get darker in the summer time it seems to lighten a little bit. There is just so much to cover i can't even type it all in this one email.

I just also want to let you know you and everyone else out there in the world trying to help people with disorder are a blessing because i had a friend i was in treatment with and got to know her like a sister and we promised each other we would both leave together and not without one of us. Well when discharge day came they would only let me go and i fussed and what not but it got me nowhere i ended up leaving and she had to stay behind and about a week and a half later she passed away because she couldn't keep going by herself. I still to this day feel like that was all my fault but i have to keep telling myself she is in a much better place now not even worried with what she looks like and eating everything in sight more than likely, and then she is watching me and telling me i need to beat this and overcome it.

I just wish it was that simple if i could i would fall asleep and wake up and it be gone and i be a normal girl with no fear of food and weight. But that won't ever happen until i am fully ready to give it up and do what it right for me and my body. Honestly i am not ready to do that so that is why i am still stuck in the same circle i have been for 10 years now. I just can't seem to break the circle and make a road that leads to a brighter future and a happier life. But i hope you email me back so we can talk some more. Thank you once again for everything you are doing through this web site and trying to reach out to people with this disorder. It obviously found me for a reason.

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Aug 23, 2018
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Disregard the SPAM NEW
by: shari m

I have a friend/coworker currently in the hospital dying of Anorexia and related health complications. It is absolutely heart breaking to watch.
We all tried to help, but she had us all fooled. She had her mom and the doctors fooled into thinking her health problems must be due to something else. She claimed to all of us that she was eating, that she had not relapsed.
She is only 32 years old, and weighs less than 80 lbs. yesterday at the hospital, her heart stopped beating. They revived her, but she is unable to breath on her own, so she is on a ventilator.
I don’t think she is going to make it. She is such a wonderful person, always cheerful, always positive, a real blessing to have at wotk. Why would she leave us this way? I asked her to think of the people she would leave behind.
I wish I knew what to say to people with eating disorders to convince them they are of value to others, no matter their size, but only as long as they are alive. You are good enough just as you are. Please start telling yourself that every day, every moment until you start believing it!

Feb 18, 2011
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The self-love diet can heal anorexia
by: Cari from Ditch Diets

Hi Carlas - if you've come across my page on anorexia , you'll know that I too was once caught in it's horrible clutches.

And the good news is that there IS a way out. You need to go on a SELF-LOVE diet. When you start feeding yourself with self love and self acceptance you'll start doing what is good and healthy for your body because you love yourself enough to do that.

But that's hard to do if at a deep level you hate the home (your body) that you live in. I know that everyone says the solution is what you eat, and how much you eat... but I've honestly come to believe that it's got more to do with what you feed yourself spiritually.

I too had a friend, called Janet, who died from anorexia because the two of us were stupid enough to be competing to see who could be the thinnest. There is loads to read on my website, so spend some more time browsing and in the meanwhile I'd highly suggest that you take the time to do this exercise a couple of times a day because it really is powerful enough to change your life.

I'm afraid that I'm not always able to respond to every e.mail personally because I get so many, but I did want to reach out to you to let you know that there is hope.

Kind regards and good luck learning to love yourself
Cari

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