My friend died from Anorexia
Hello. Where am i suppose to begin? Well i first developed my eating disorder which was anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa when i was 10 years old and went into my first treatment facility when i was 11. My last treatment facility was about a year ago and i am now 20 years old. I have no clue how to get this thing so called an eating disorder to leave and never come back.
Even if it does leave it normally hangs on somewhere and that makes it easier to come back into my life. I am not afraid to admit i am terrified of gaining weight and that i have an eating disorder. If you would have asked me about 10 years ago i would have told you, you were crazy that nothing was wrong with me. Now almost 15 feeding tubes later and over 20 I.V's later i do not mind telling and talking about my problem. Yes, it has caused a various amounts of health problems.
I recently broke my leg about 3 years ago. Well it will be 3 years in November of this year. i broke it in 2008 and my bone has yet to heal fully even with the rod and screws in place to help it come along faster. i have fine black hair on my body that is very noticeable in winter when i am very pale but as i get darker in the summer time it seems to lighten a little bit. There is just so much to cover i can't even type it all in this one email.
I just also want to let you know you and everyone else out there in the world trying to help people with disorder are a blessing because i had a friend i was in treatment with and got to know her like a sister and we promised each other we would both leave together and not without one of us. Well when discharge day came they would only let me go and i fussed and what not but it got me nowhere i ended up leaving and she had to stay behind and about a week and a half later she passed away because she couldn't keep going by herself. I still to this day feel like that was all my fault but i have to keep telling myself she is in a much better place now not even worried with what she looks like and eating everything in sight more than likely, and then she is watching me and telling me i need to beat this and overcome it.
I just wish it was that simple if i could i would fall asleep and wake up and it be gone and i be a normal girl with no fear of food and weight. But that won't ever happen until i am fully ready to give it up and do what it right for me and my body. Honestly i am not ready to do that so that is why i am still stuck in the same circle i have been for 10 years now. I just can't seem to break the circle and make a road that leads to a brighter future and a happier life. But i hope you email me back so we can talk some more. Thank you once again for everything you are doing through this web site and trying to reach out to people with this disorder. It obviously found me for a reason.
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